i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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