My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
