I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
