Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
