If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
