It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
