Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
