My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
