Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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