I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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