I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
