now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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