piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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