fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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