guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
