I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
