i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
