i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize