Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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