So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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