i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
BRING THE BAGELS
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
