I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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