If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
