I'm really into asian looking animals
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
