I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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