I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
3pm strippers are depressing
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
