i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
