Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
