I hate all girls vehemently.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
