Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
