Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
