LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
