My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
We got so high we made milksteak
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
