I feel like I'm in dance class right now
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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