Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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