My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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