I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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