An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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