Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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