my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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