I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
