And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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