I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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