Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize