i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm having to shit out rocks
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