he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
