I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
