this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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