Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He better not be in your backpack
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
