I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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