I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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