Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
