Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
