Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
