I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
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No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I forgot wine drunk hurts
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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