I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I am one with the molecules
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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