i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize