idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
