Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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