Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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