She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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