you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't put those talents on a resume
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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