if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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