you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
