yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
