I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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