I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
