Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
