I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize