he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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